Many people don’t actually know what men want from women. Someone who looks after them? Someone they look after? The truth is, men are actually “production junkies.” They thrive on the feeling of using up all their energy to produce something. It’s like an addiction for them, they can’t get enough of it.
Women, on the other hand, have a different approach. We have a cap on how much we want to produce in a certain amount of time. We then need a break to recharge, otherwise we’ll burn out. For men it’s not the same. They have an insatiable desire to keep producing and they feel good when their energy is being used up.
Here’s the thing though, what men really want is to make YOU happy.
What Men Want From Women:
Men love playing the role of provider and producer, even in small ways. They are addicted to fixing things and solving problems. And the biggest desire for them is to be with a woman who allows them to do things for her. A woman who is able to receive what they have to give.
Think about it: have you ever had a man insist on carrying something heavy for you, even when you technically could do it yourself? Or offer to fix something before you even asked? That’s not just him being polite—it’s how he bonds. He gets a dopamine hit from stepping up and being useful.
This is important for us to be aware of. We need to allow men to fully embrace that role and be that kind of man for us. We don’t unintentionally want to take away their favorite role! Because when we start taking over some of those responsibilities, we unintentionally push them away on a deep, unconscious level.
Men often won’t know if you’re over-functioning or doing more than what feels good to you. They assume that if you’re doing something, it’s because you want to do it.
Men do what they want to do all the time, so they think we do too. We worry that if we allow someone else to do something or us, they might see us as weak. That’s why so many women are afraid to let go of the doing and ask for help.
The Cost of Over-Functioning
I think one of the reasons why so many women, including myself, feel burnt out is because we’re constantly doing and doing. We’re going against what comes most naturally to us, which is receiving.
Real-Life Example: The Independent Woman Trap
A client of mine, Leanne, was dating a guy named Jake. She prided herself on being super independent—she had a great job, owned her own home, and never needed a man for anything. On dates, she insisted on splitting the bill, refused to let him help carry her groceries, and even fixed her own sink when it was leaking instead of letting Jake help.
Over time, Jake started pulling away. He still liked Leanne, but he didn’t feel necessary in her life. He didn’t know how to connect with her because she unknowingly shut down every opportunity for him to step in and be the man he wanted to be for her.
Leanne wasn’t doing anything “wrong.” She was just trying to prove she was capable. But what she didn’t realize was that by over-functioning, she wasn’t allowing Jake to show up for her.
Men often won’t know if you’re over-functioning or doing more than what feels good to you. They assume that if you’re doing something, it’s because you want to do it.
Men do what they want to do all the time, so they think we do too. We worry that if we allow someone else to do something for us, they might see us as weak. That’s why so many women are afraid to let go of the doing and ask for help.
I think one of the reasons why so many women, including myself, feel burnt out is because we’re constantly doing and doing. We’re going against what comes most natural to us, which is receiving. Production is the opposite of receiving. And many women end up taking on a lot of the masculine “doing” energy in the relationship. This can lead to underlying resentment. And let’s be honest, resentment is not the easiest thing to let go of.
Learning to Let Go
There have been numerous conversations over the years in which I’ve heard my partner say, “Why don’t you lean into me and let go? You can be feisty (proving that you can do it all) to everyone else, but you don’t have to be that way with me.” There was part of me that felt incredibly uncomfortable letting go of control. Even though I know this stuff and teach it, I had to practice being uncomfortable and expressing my needs. I had to learn to trust that this vulnerability would actually create a deeper connection in my relationship.
Acknowledgment & Appreciation: The Secret Sauce
What helped me start letting go and leaning into my relationship was knowing that acknowledgment and appreciation energize men. My holding back and doing everything prevented my partner from feeling good.
Have you ever noticed how a man lights up when you say, “Wow, I really appreciate that you took care of this for me”? It’s like watching a puppy get a treat—instant tail wag. Men want to support us, and they want to know that what they do makes us happy.
So, if you let a man know what feels good to you through acknowledgment, the right man will be more than happy to do it.
Example: The Coffee Test
Try this: next time a man does something for you—big or small—give him genuine appreciation.For example, if he brings you coffee in the morning, don’t just say “Thanks.” Instead, say, “Wow, I love that you did that for me. It makes me feel so taken care of.” Watch his reaction. He’ll probably look like he just won a gold medal. This isn’t about stroking egos—it’s about recognizing the natural dynamic of giving and receiving that makes relationships thrive.
The Key to Deep Connection
In any relationship, it takes time to build trust that this person will show up for you. But a man can’t show up for you if you don’t let him.
Now, this is not about turning a man into some sort of robot whose only purpose is to serve you. It’s about letting a man know all the things he does that make you happy and showing appreciation for him.
Here’s a little secret: men can’t fall in love when we’re constantly giving to them or trying to control everything.
They fall in love when they’re giving to us.
It’s when you demonstrate that you can allow a man to play his favorite role of provider that he feels the most connected to you.
The Experiment: Letting Him Show Up
If you want to be the most attractive woman in the world to a man, allow him to play that role.
Try this:
- The next time you need something, instead of doing it yourself, ask a man for help. It can be as small as, “Hey, can you reach that for me?”
- If he offers to do something—don’t resist it. Just say, “That would be amazing, thank you.”
- When he does something kind for you, acknowledge it in a way that makes him feel the impact.
Trust me, men will flock to you when you learn how to do this. Give it a try and see what happens.
Ready to Attract the Love You Deserve? Let’s Talk!
If you’re tired of feeling like you have to do everything in relationships and want to shift into a dynamic where a man shows up for you—let’s chat! In a LovingText Call, we’ll dive into what’s been holding you back in dating and how you can start attracting the right kind of love with ease.
Imagine feeling cherished, adored, and effortlessly receiving the love you desire. It all starts with one conversation.
