Part of dating is learning how to pick up on red flags in men. Some of this you learn from experience, but we can also learn from other people’s stories.
As a dating and love coach, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing countless women who understand the concepts I teach but struggle to implement them in their own lives. At least until they’ve done the inner work that allows them to integrate the concepts in their own lives. See if you can relate….
My client Julia (not her real name, of course) was seeking support after she found herself entangled with what I like to call an ”Immature Man.” This man, much like Peter Pan, had a tendency to avoid taking responsibility, especially when it came to emotional and financial commitments. Julia was initially smitten by his charm and attention, but soon she discovered she was on the path to heartbreak.
One of the first guidelines I emphasize in the Confidence in Love program is to only date available men. Unfortunately, Julia was involved with someone who was not only an Immature Man but was also not fully available.
Here Are Some Red Flags in Men:
- I strongly advise women to only date men who are fully divorced. Separated men are often not ready for a committed relationship,. It takes time to recover from the end of a love relationship. When a person rushes into another relationship, it usually doesn’t work out because they haven’t taken the time to fully heal. The man Julia was dating wasn’t fully divorced. While he made her feel special at first, he was still navigating the end of his previous relationship. Because of this she never felt truly chosen.
- This kind of behavior is a clear indication of a man with weak boundaries and codependency issues. It’s important to recognize that a solid, masculine man will have strong and clear boundaries. As a feminine woman, it’s essential to respect those boundaries.
- It’s also important not to become involved with a passive man. Over time, Julia’s man became increasingly passive in the relationship despite initially indicating he was ready for a commitment. It’s important to steer clear of men who cannot take the lead and be proactive in the relationship. A strong, masculine man will step up and provide the support and stability you deserve.
- The immature man is often less responsible financially. Or at least less willing to share in the financial responsibilities that arise when a couple enters into a relationship. It’s important to consider the way a man is with his money. Julia’s man was not financially reliable. He continued to support his family so wasn’t available to be an equal financial partner in their relationship. Shouldering the burden of the shared expenses left Julia feeling taken advantage of. A masculine man will take on the role of a provider and make his intentions clear from the start. Beware of men who talk a big game but fail to back it up with action.
- Introducing your partner to your world and being introduced to theirs is an essential milestone in a relationship. Unfortunately, Julia’s man never introduced her to his family and children, despite dating for a year and a half. This lack of inclusion signaled a lack of commitment and investment in the relationship. Remember, you deserve someone who is willing to share their life with you fully.
Keeping your options open, I believe, is essential in the dating world. In the Confident in Love program, you’ll discover exactly how to do that so it feels authentic and genuine…no game-playing. Julia had other potential suitors in her circle, but she chose to focus solely on this man. By keeping your options open, you maintain your independence and avoid putting all your eggs in one basket prematurely.
In the Confident in Love program you’ll learn how to recognize if a man is using you. Being a provider for someone who showed no intention of reciprocating took a toll on Julia’s wellbeing. A solid, high-value man will cherish and appreciate you, rather than take advantage of your generosity.
Many of the women who come to work with me and join the Confident in Love community understand these concepts. However, they struggle to know how to implement them in actual situations. If you find yourself struggling to do too, remember that seeking support is never a sign of weakness. Don’t convince yourself that you’re the exception to the rule and risk walking the path of heartbreak.
Remember, you deserve a love that lifts you up and brings out the best in you. If you’re ready to take the next step towards finding your high-value man, don’t hesitate to reach out for support.
